![]() ![]() You share what you think the concern is to convey your willingness to talk about it. ![]() You put a little “water” in to get more “water” out. When trying to get someone to open up and they seem hesitant, you can prime the pump, so to speak, by bringing the concern into the open. If they seem reluctant, you might need to use the “prime” approach. Many people are when they have something tough to share, because they worry their honesty will trigger defensiveness. Don’t be surprised if they are still hesitant to be honest. Try to understand the other person’s view. Example: “Can you help me understand how you see me and my contribution? I would like to know your honest opinion of why this might be happening.”Īfter you have opened with the facts, your story, and an inviting question, your job is to listen. I’m not sure what it is, but the pattern makes me concerned I am doing something that I don’t see.”Īsk: Invite the other person’s view. Example: “I really want to be helpful, but I’m starting to wonder if there is something about my approach or style that makes others prefer I didn’t help. Story: Explain why the facts matter to you. One time someone said that I should spend more time with my family, on another occasion I was told that my style was ‘over the top.’” Example: “I’ve noticed the last two or three times I’ve volunteered, I’ve been encouraged not to. Prepare to hold a conversation with the right person at the church by using this outline: Facts, Story, Ask.įacts: Share what you have seen, heard, or noticed that’s causing you concern. Bring your best self to the situation, and others are more likely to do the same. But the best way to begin improving any relationship is to consider your contribution to it. I don’t share these tips so that you’ll blame yourself for what has happened up to this point. Ask yourself, “What role might I have played in this situation?” Or, “What have I done that may have helped others form these conclusions about me?” This is where self-awareness questions come into play. ![]() Once you get to the facts, try to see the truth behind them. When they say that you’re “a little over the top,” what could they mean by that? What are some things you might have said or done that led them to this conclusion? If you can get to the facts behind their conclusions, you’ll get closer to identifying the behaviors in yourself that you can analyze and consider.Ĭonfront the Truth About Your Contribution So, try to get to the facts of what others are saying. This happens because they’re often emotional about the topic. Their feedback doesn’t come out as facts. When people share tough feedback, they commonly share opinions, conclusions, and feelings. I want to talk about what you can learn from what’s already happened, and then I’ll share some tips for next steps. Most of us can think of a tough message we’d like to deliver, but we are often reluctant to invite feedback that might be tough to hear. Your experience sheds some light on a topic we don’t address enough when it comes to crucial conversations-receiving (and even soliciting) potentially tough messages from others. Most of us know we need feedback, few of us actively seek it. I also commend your desire to be more self-aware and to identify ways to improve yourself. ![]() Anyone who is willing to take their personal time to volunteer to help a community organization is awesome. Let me start by saying I commend your intent. I want to see my church flourish, so I want to improve this relationship. I try to be polite, even when I’m put off. Maybe there is a better way for me to handle things. But they continue to ask the congregation for help, so then I try to jump back in and help only to get the same comments. They’ve also suggested my excitement is “a little over the top.” Other times, when I offer ideas for how I can help, they put me off. Or people tell me they’re worried I’ll get burned out. But when I do, I’m told to focus on my family. My church says they need the members to help with various responsibilities, so I volunteer often. ![]()
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